october in 10th grade, and why this one feels different (but sadly still the same)
We are in the thick of it again. Things didn't get easier, not exactly, and if this reads like a "we turned a corner" post, I've written it wrong. What changed is the lens.
why october and november are often harder than september
September gets all the attention. And then September ends, and a lot of families exhale, and then October arrives and something shifts and nobody warned me it was coming. I spent two Octobers confused about why things were getting harder before I understood what was actually happening.
you know you're a parent of a school-avoidant child when...
While other parents are buying pencil cases and new water bottles, you are restocking your bag with face wipes, a lint roller, an eyelash curler, and propranolol, because looking like you have it together is a skill you have had to learn from scratch.
things that can actually help school avoidance in the first week of school
September is the hardest week of the year for a lot of families navigating school avoidance, and the first few days have a way of setting the tone for everything that follows. This is the shorter, more immediate version, the things worth doing and asking for in the first week, before everything has a chance to go wrong.
the push and pull between what your gut says and what the school expects
I have gotten very good at nodding in school meetings. I nod when the attendance officer explains the referral process, and when someone says something that I know, from what is at this point a genuinely embarrassing amount of reading on the subject, is not quite how anxiety-based school avoidance works.
the dread arrives in August. here’s what to do with it.
August 10th. Five weeks until school starts, give or take, and the calendar that looked so reassuringly far away in June is suddenly not far away at all. The school meeting is booked, the emails have been sent, the plan exists, and still there is something sitting in the chest that the plan hasn't touched.
how to prepare for your back to school meeting (before september arrives)
August has a way of arriving faster than you think it will, and if you have a school-avoidant child, the weeks between now and the first day of school are not just summer — they're the window where the conversation with the school either happens or doesn't.
we don't have a plan for 10th grade and I am doing great
It is July. September is six weeks away, give or take, and I have not yet successfully answered the question of what 10th grade looks like for my daughter. I have, however, created several documents, attended two meetings that ended without resolution, and read the same three articles multiple times as though they might say something different on the fourth pass.
the IEP and 504 accommodations worth asking for if your child has school avoidance
One of the things nobody tells you early enough is that you are allowed to ask for specific things. Not just "support" in the vague, reassuring way schools sometimes offer it, but actual, named, documented accommodations that the school is legally required to provide once they're written into a plan.
how to use the summer to prepare for september (without making it feel like homework)
If you have a school meeting coming up, or you're just in the middle of it and could use something concrete to hold onto, the free guide below covers word-for-word responses for the conversations that don't go the way you hoped.
the post-covid rise in school avoidance: what the data actually shows
Before my daughter stopped going to school, I had a vague sense that this kind of thing happened to some kids, somewhere, occasionally. I did not have any sense that it was happening at a scale significant enough to have its own research literature, its own clinical terminology, or its own entry in a BMJ journal article with the phrase "perfect storm" in the title.
when she stays home: what the research says about making the most of a hard day
There is a version of the home day that goes fine. She sleeps in a little, comes downstairs eventually, eats something, does some work at the kitchen table, doesn't spiral, and by 2pm the day has passed without incident and you both move on. There is also the other version, which is the one that tends to actually happen.
if your child is finishing the year online: what to think about, and how to approach september without catastrophising
Some students are finishing this school year online. Not because they chose to, but because it was the option that allowed them to finish at all. On what to think about now, how to use the summer well, and how to approach September without catastrophising.
what does "emotionally based school avoidance" actually mean?
EBSA — emotionally based school avoidance — is a term you may have started seeing everywhere. Here's what it actually means, why it replaced older terms that are still in common use, and why the framework matters for your daughter specifically.
if you're in the middle of it — the slow mornings, the sunday evenings, the conversations with the school that don't go the way you needed them to —
this is for you.
get a note in your inbox each week. no advice you haven't already tried. just a parent who's in it too, and the occasional thing that's actually helped.