the books and podcasts that have actually helped
Yesterday's post was the practical list , organisations, helplines, websites, what to do and in what order. This one is the more personal version. The things I've actually read and listened to, some of which were exactly what I needed at exactly the right time.
you can't get your child through the school gates. now what?
One of the things I wish I'd had in the early days of this is a sequence. Not a list of organisations, not another explanation of what school avoidance is, but a practical answer to the question that was actually keeping me up at night: I can't get her to school. What do I actually do now, and in what order?
the push and pull between what your gut says and what the school expects
I have gotten very good at nodding in school meetings. I nod when the attendance officer explains the referral process, and when someone says something that I know, from what is at this point a genuinely embarrassing amount of reading on the subject, is not quite how anxiety-based school avoidance works.
the dread arrives in August. here’s what to do with it.
August 10th. Five weeks until school starts, give or take, and the calendar that looked so reassuringly far away in June is suddenly not far away at all. The school meeting is booked, the emails have been sent, the plan exists, and still there is something sitting in the chest that the plan hasn't touched.
how to prepare for your back to school meeting (before september arrives)
August has a way of arriving faster than you think it will, and if you have a school-avoidant child, the weeks between now and the first day of school are not just summer — they're the window where the conversation with the school either happens or doesn't.
the IEP and 504 accommodations worth asking for if your child has school avoidance
One of the things nobody tells you early enough is that you are allowed to ask for specific things. Not just "support" in the vague, reassuring way schools sometimes offer it, but actual, named, documented accommodations that the school is legally required to provide once they're written into a plan.
how to use the summer to prepare for september (without making it feel like homework)
If you have a school meeting coming up, or you're just in the middle of it and could use something concrete to hold onto, the free guide below covers word-for-word responses for the conversations that don't go the way you hoped.
the post-covid rise in school avoidance: what the data actually shows
Before my daughter stopped going to school, I had a vague sense that this kind of thing happened to some kids, somewhere, occasionally. I did not have any sense that it was happening at a scale significant enough to have its own research literature, its own clinical terminology, or its own entry in a BMJ journal article with the phrase "perfect storm" in the title.
when she stays home: what the research says about making the most of a hard day
There is a version of the home day that goes fine. She sleeps in a little, comes downstairs eventually, eats something, does some work at the kitchen table, doesn't spiral, and by 2pm the day has passed without incident and you both move on. There is also the other version, which is the one that tends to actually happen.
what does "emotionally based school avoidance" actually mean?
EBSA — emotionally based school avoidance — is a term you may have started seeing everywhere. Here's what it actually means, why it replaced older terms that are still in common use, and why the framework matters for your daughter specifically.
if you're in the middle of it — the slow mornings, the sunday evenings, the conversations with the school that don't go the way you needed them to —
this is for you.
get a note in your inbox each week. no advice you haven't already tried. just a parent who's in it too, and the occasional thing that's actually helped.